....

I'm suppose to think positive. Think that everything will be okay. That THIS is just something that God put ahead of me so I can learn how to deal and get stronger. But why does it hurt so bad? I'm so fustrated. Fustrated because I don't know what to do. I dislike this feeling. And why do things happen to good people out there? I don't get it. I don't get this life that we live in.

Brings me to where Andy was talking about life. Life is a crazy ass roller coaster. Too many damn twirls and shit. Too much shit we deal with it. Fuck. That's all I could say. I'd scream, but then people will think I'm some crazy ass lady here at the front lobby. That's not good.

DAMMIT MAN! That's all folks ...

Happy Friday

Thank goodness it's Friday!! Last day of the work day peoples! Hehe. Boy do I feel the head and I'm not even outside! Goodness me oh my! Hehe. If it were possible, I'd wear me some shorts and a tank, but no. Can't do that. Hehe. Not professional here! Hehe. Anywho's, so I'm so looking forward to the weekend. Spending time with the familia. Yay!

Family Get-To-Gethers

So, this weekend we will be heading to Auntie Beths house for Jackies graduation/Cousin Day. I'm so excited because the last Cousin Day that we had, we weren't able to attend due to certain reasons. So, I am superly happy and looking forward to the weekend. I'm also excited the Jaime and the boys are coming too since we rarely see them. Time to bring out all of our cameras! Haha. I know there are so going to be constant picture taking because it always happens when the family are together. Oh, and the Shanghai Lover and I are going to go out for a bit cuz she's going to teach me how to drive stick! Hell yeah baby!!! Haha. Sure looking forward to that! I hope I get the hang of it, or at least learn how to start up the engine! LOL. I heard it's pretty hard, but after some practice, it's a breeze. Haha, maybe I should just turn the hazard lights on just incase if I have to drive on the streets, that way, if I still or something, people will know there are issues with the car. LMAO! Now that is funny! Hehe. Anyway,excited to get a new camera this Friday! Yay! Hehe. I'm still not 100% sure which one I want to get. There's that Sony bundle and that Canon with a big lcd screen. Okay, total randomness, but that lady on the phone who asked for mr. bossman is a little rude. My job here is to TRANSFER calls when someone asks for someone here at the office. I sure as hell don't know if they're in the building or not. That's why I said Hold and that is why I transfer these damn phone calls! Shoot! Anywho's, gotta get some stuff done here so I guess this will end for now ...

This Feeling

Not knowing if I am, if I was, is killing me inside. If I was, could I have done something to make things all right? We could've had runs thru my head. Just thinking about it makes me sad. I'm hurting because I know. It hurts and I'm sorry. But I'm trying, trying to hide what I'm really feeling. Hiding it so no one else has to worry except me, myself, and I. So I smile, smile so nobody will ask ...

Time

It quite amazing how time can pass us by with a blink of an eye. It seems as if he and I have been together for quite a long time, but in reality, we haven't. And to have so many things in common is definitely a plus. What a big impact you have been, a good one as well. Such a beautiful thing, you and I. I'm happy. That simple.

Excited

So, we're heading to Sacramento this evening and we're going to pick up the Shanghai Lover! Yay! I'm so excited. I miss them a lot. My daddy called last night too with my mom. They wanted to talk to Lyn, but she went to bed early. I ended up talking to him for a bit. I miss my daddy a lot. Wish I could see all of them more often. Maybe when I finally get a better car than what we have now, we can see them on a monthly basis. That would be so awesome. Anywho's, I'm here at work at this moment. It's only 10:20am and it feels as though I've been here for a couple hours already, but I haven't. I really hope this day goes by fast and smoothly because I already wanna get outta here! Haha. Anyways ... LAKERS SUCK! They only won outta luck. I still love the San Antonio SPURS though, even though they didn't win last night. Hehe. So into the game. I haven't really been into a game for quite a while. Hhhmm .. strange. Yeah, wierdo. Who cares! Haha. Anyways, gotta move the car during lunch since it's way over there on the opposite side of the building. Gotta bring it closer to me. Hhmm .. so gotta give the car a quick bath too. It's a bit on the dirty side. Haha. Whoa! Still hella windy outside man! Weather is super nice! I wanna be outside right about now. Hehe. Alrites ... back to "work"

End Of The Day

It's winding down to the end of the day. And may I say, Monday wasn't THAT bad. Hehe. It went by good. So, no compalints from me really.

Friday

Happy Friday everyone! Yay! I am so happy it's the end of the work week. Hehe. So, I'm here at work, as usual. It's been only an hour and ten minutes into the day here. I really really hope this day passes by smoothly cuz I'm so ready for this day to end! Haha. Anywho's, I am really looking forward to going to Sacramento next week. One, my sisters graduation and second, I get to be with my family. I haven't seen mostly all the cousins in a while since we missed the last Cousin Day. So, I'm psyched to see them, even if it's only for one full day. I love my family dearly. Shoot, I'm also looking forward to the buffet! LOL! I haven't had one of them in days. I guess it's because there's no special occassion. So my ass is going to grub like everyone else! Haha. =P Oh my! Just heard we are going to have an evacuation drill at 11am! That means, our asses are going to be outside in the HEAT! Great! Gotta go stand under a tree or some ish like that! Jeepers! Haha. I hope it's going to take a while too so the time can pass by. Haha. Gosh, it's only 9:35am and it feels like it's about 3pm ish. Jeez. Hey, my rose totally bloomed! It got bigger and the color got more prettier! Haha. Oh my gosh, I am SO bored outta my mind here! It's not even that busy today, especially with the phone! WTH? Wanna bump some music or something. Maybe I should go listen to some on youtube. Yes. I think I'm going to do that. What song though? I think I'm feelin' for some Natalie. Speaking of Natalie, I think I'm going to download one of her songs on my cell for a ringtone. Hehe. Yeah. Anywho's, I could keep rambling on for days on this thing. Haha. If I did, it would probably end up being a novel of some sort. Who knows. Gosh, I'm hungry. I have about three and a half more hours until lunch time. I have no idea what I want to eat. I am feelin' for jamba though! Plus, I wanna go to Khols to get me some shorts! Hehe. Oh, and another top. A pink one. Hopefully they still have them. Okay, well, I'm gonna end this lil' entry of mine cuz I think it's getting way too long. Haha. I think it's the longest ever. Till the next entry ...

Heated

Okay, so part of my job is to transfer phone calls to their appropriate destination. I get a phone call yesterday asking for the Shipping Department and so I transfer the fella to that person. The fella calls back telling me that I transfered him to a house number. I told the fella that was the Shipping Department. So with that, I went ahead and transferred him once again. He calls back and tells me that the person hung up on him. I transfer again and he calls back telling me that the person hung up again. I put him on hold and the person who works at the Shipping Department calls and asks me if I was transfering a phone call to him. I said they were asking for the Shipping Department. He tells me not to transfer anymore calls to him and tell whoever that calls to inform them that there is no Shipping Department. Bullshit! What the hell? Deal with the phone calls. My goodness. So today, someone asked for the Shipping Department again. I transfer to the Shipping Dude and he ends up hanging up on the guy cuz he called back. I end up putting the fella on hold and calling my boss and told her about the whole situation. Now, I have to transfer the calls to the big boss who runs that department. Gosh, that guy doesn't know how to deal with calls. So rude to hang up and shit. Whatever! He's "gago" for even being over there in the first place.

It's Just A Blah!

Okay, so today is not a good day. Due to the fact that I only had like 4 hours of sleep. Give or take a few minutes. I just kept tossing and turning. It's like, my body was super tired, yet my mind was still on caffeine or some ish like that! I honestly tried just thinking of sleep, but it just wouldn't work at all. What in the world? So, here I am at work ... tired and sleepy. And may I say, it feels pretty warm in this building. Anyways, it's only Tuesday. Just Tuesday. At least tomorrow is hump day though. Haha. Gosh, what's going on this weekend? Wait, ain't it Brandis birthday party or something? I'm not too sure. I can't think straight. Oh my goodness. Wait, then there's big sissys graduation next week. Really looking forward to it. So, we're leaving Thursday night, maybe after the traffic dies down a bit. Besides, I wanna go home and shower after work. I'm debating whether or not to get my hair done in Sacramento. I do really want highlights again, but that's some money. Should I? Gosh, I don't even remember the stylists name at REGIS. Oh goodness, gotta ask one of the sisters. (texting older sister) Yeah, some blondes and copper tones! OoooOooh my! That's going to look lovely! I don't know whether to cut my hair since I already cut it not too long ago. Maybe she can fix it up a bit so it can look more fuller. Cuz man, my hair be looking really wack! I seem to not play around with it a lot cuz there's not much I can do from my knowledge. Goodness, I don't even know if she's free. Gosh, what in the world is her name! This is going to irritate the heck out of me until I figure it out or until someone tells me her darn name.Well, I should end this for now since I'm getting a bit tired just typing my nonsense randoms. Haha.

What Do You See?

The eyes are the windows to ones soul. Just by looking at ones eyes, you could tell how that person is feeling. Now look into my eyes, my dear, and tell me .. what do they tell you how I'm feeling? Really, look deep into my eyes. What emotions am I feeling? Look carefully now ...

Now, if you're having trouble, let me tell you exactly what I'm feeling at this exact moment ...

I have this weight on my shoulders that has been there for quite a long time. At times, it would drive me so nuts to the point where I just want to be in an open field and yell at the top of my lungs whatever I need to say to make me feel a little better. But in reality, I know I can't.

Whatever that I am dealing with, I gotta learn how to deal with it. It may be with helps from others or on my own. I know it may take some time. Heck, who knows? But I'm taking it one day at a time. I'll be okay. Just gotta keep a positive perspective on things.

Like what Tupac says: There's going to be some stuff you're going to see that's going to make it hard to smile in the future. But through whatever you see, through all the rain and the pain, you gottah keep your sense of humor. You gottah smile through all the bullshit. Remember that.

High five to that!

Shit Talkers

For people to have the decancy to talk shit when they don't even know you is just ridiculous. And to assume shit is another thing. Just because I'm cool with the guys here at work don't mean shit. It's just that I get along with them perfectly fine. So fuck off peoples. I'm guessing maybe the only reason why ya'll talk shit cuz you all don't have a life. And maybe you envy me. Ha! What a bunch of bitches, that's all I have to say.

Loose Weight

So me and Nancy were chopping it up about Weight Watchers since she's on that program. She's going to fill me on the whole points thing tomorrow. She gave me a Fiber One bar for me to taste. She told me she ate it for breakfast this morning. I guess when you mix fiber and some liquid to drink, the fiber will expand and make you full. Hhhmmm ... I will try. I do want to eat properly and healthy. My goal is to loose like 15-20 pounds. Gotta think positive ...

Half Way There

So, it's quarter to 3pm here at work. I am happy to say that this day was a great day. Being appreciated feels good. Yeah, I love my flowers here at my desk. They are absolutely beautiful and they're PINK !! Haha. Looking forward to going to the movies. I have no idea what I want to see. Gotta do some thinking. Hehe. But anywho's, hope everyone is having a good day !!

My Strength

Having that stability in life is important to me. I wanna make sure I provide enough for my lil' one so she doesn't have to have it rough. She is my main priority and all that I do is for her. Even though life may seem so hard, it is she who keeps me going. She's my strength. I love her unconditionally.

As of right now, things are going a bit rough. The stability is a bit shaky, but I'm trying to stay positive. If money grew on trees or something, life would be so much more easier. I probably wouldn't have to worry so much. But life was never meant to be perfect.

When it comes to who is important, I guess you can say that I put myself last. I've always put others before me. I know people who have said you shouldn't put others first, but that is just the way I am. I make sure that everyone is okay.

Wow, I think I'm just blabbering on here. Anywho's, gotta keep my head up and stay strong in everything...

Dates

I just realized that the dates that shows when a posting has been posted is ALL WRONG !! It's saying today is Wednesday, but it's not. How wierd !! Haha. Oh wells.

End of The Day

So it's winding down to the end of the day. Good day today. Feel good. Yes sir. I am well ready for the weekend to chill. I see that the weather has gotten a bit on the cloudy side since I don't see much sun. How's the weather going to be like anyway this weekend?

(Listening to: Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis)

Well, it seems pretty quiet over here. I'm guess most of the people went home already. Steve said the right side of the building is a bit quiet since like half of the staff is gone. Lucky them. I don't here much of upstairs by the way. Well everyone, enjoy your weekend cuz I sure will !!

I Just Want to SCREAM!!!

Anger
Fustration
Pissed
Tired
I JUST WANT TO SCREAM !!!
People these days. So hard for them to understand. And shoot, I'm pretty much feeling hella cranky/moody. Shiet. Let me go run around the neighborhood or walk to cool off or something. Man !! People are being buttheads today. Just leave me alone gosh darnit. *SIGH*

Hump Day

Okay everyone, so it's midway through the week. Which means, 2 more days till Friday !! Yippy. Hope today is a better day than yesterday. It's almost 8:30am. Just started my day here at the trabajo. It's quiet and a bit chilly here in the lobby. For some reason, my right eye is a bit blurry. Totally weird. Anywho's, it's midway through April. My oh my how time seems to pass by pretty quickly. Before you know it, it'll be Christmas. Hehe. Well, I guess this will be it for now until later on today to continued ...

What A Day

So, it's about 3pm and as usual, I am here at work. Work has been "eh". I came in this morning and my allergies came out of nowhere. You can say it krept up on me. Eyes and nose itch, as well as my throat and the coughs are still here as of this moment. One of my co-workers gave me some medicine for my allergies, but it only helped a little bit. Thanks for trying to help. Gosh, and to top it off, this headache is killing me. I forced myself to eat something cuz I know I'm not suppose to skip a meal. So, I ate a little bit of soup to warm me up. So, here I am now in front of the computer typing away my thoughts and all them other stuff. 2 more hours and then some to go. What's for dinner? I don't know. I'll just see what I feel like cooking this evening.

Randomness: Why is my plant here at my desk look as if it's going to die? I've been watering it once a week. HHmmmm ... it's the same plant that I got at home. How weird. Maybe not enough sunlight?

Another Monday

So, it's about 3:00pm in the afternoon and I'm here at work, as usual. Time has been okay, so far. Mondays are usually a drag though. It's starts off the week and Friday seems to be a long way from today. Haha. The weather was crazy over the weekend. The heat was mad crazy. I really didn't enjoy it at all. Too damn hot !! I even got sun burned from doing my jogging over the weekend. Gosh darnit !! But todays weather, totally not like the weekend. I see the sun, but it looks really windy !! I took a breather outside for a couple minutes and boy was it cold !! Haha. I hella thought it was going to be warm too today. Anywho's, man ... lately I've been soOOo irritated with people. The littlest things that people can do can get me sooOoo mad. Damn it !! Like today, for instance .. I wanted a sandwich with NO mustard and unfortunately, I got it with EXTRA mustard !! What the hell is that !! And I repeated it more than once too !! Gosh darnit !! Me oh my !! And these damn phone calls !! There's practically no one on the other line !! Just silence !! Shiet !! Jeepers !! Oh, and the chronicle newspaper peoples that keep calling !! Geezez !!

Randomness: If you get sun burned, put apple cidar vinegar on it. (I got that from mi bossy lady, Kathy. Thanks for the advice !!)

Lyics To A song

Wrap Me In Your Arms
by: April Villanueva

A ship floating all alone
On a sea of tears
I washed up on your shore
You took away my fears
I hope were stranded here
For years and years
I found someone whos
got me understood
Some one who promises
to treat me good
Until forever, for-ever
I've got the world
I have it all
In your arms [ wraped in your arms ]
The only place I want to fall,
Is in your arms [ wraped in your arms ]
Just keep me safe and warm
And wrap me in your arms
Walking in the park
Were just holding hands
Sharing these growing pains
I know you understand
The thought of being without you
Makes me so so sad
My night in shinning armor rescues me
Proffessing love for me so galintly
Until Forever, for-ever
I've got the world
I have it all
In your arms [ wraped in your arms ]
The only place I want to fall,
Is in your arms [ wraped in your arms ]
This feeling is so strong
baby wont you
[ wrap me in your arms ]
Just keep me safe and warm
baby wont you
[ wrap me in your arms ]
The only place that i belong
is wraped up in your arms
I dont feel a thing
when you protect me
I'm not afraid, afraid at all
I'm not scared
Wraped up in your arms
I've got the world
I have it all
In your arms [ wraped in your arms ]
The only place I want to fall,
Is in your arms [ wraped in your arms ]
This feeling is so strong
baby wont you
[ wrap me in your arms ]
Just keep me safe and warm
baby wont you
[ wrap me in your arms ]
The only place that i belong
is wraped up in your arms

Music Soothes My Soul

What ever emotion that you may be feeling,
music can soothe ones soul. It definitely does.

Currently Playing:
So Into You
by: Tamia

With every passing moment
Thoughts of you run through my head
Every time that I'm near you
I realize that you're heaven sent, baby

I think you're truly something special
Just what my dreams are really made of
Let's stay together, you and me boy
There's no one like you around
Oh baby

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

It could be the way that you hold me
It could be the things that you say
(That you say)
Oh, I'm not too sure what it is boy
But I know I like feeling this way, hey

I think you're truly something special
Just what my dreams are really made of
Let's stay together, you and me boy
There's no one like you around
Oh baby

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

I really like what I feel when I'm with you
You're a dream come true
Don't you ever leave my side
Cuz it feels so right

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

I really like
I'm so into you
I'm so into you
Oh, I'm so into you

I Carry Your Heart

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(Anywhere I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate
(For you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world
(For beautiful you are my world,my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
(I carry it in my heart)

E.E. Cummings

Life

Life never goes the way that you want it to go. I guess God wanted us to have obstables to overcome so we can learn from them and grow strong. Life was meant not to be perfect. But I guess sometimes, you hope that it would because at times life gets too tough.

So Precious

The most precious gift that God could give a person is the gift of life. Welcome into this world Tyler Brandon, who is simply adorable, as well as his name.

Fustration

There are so many times where I wanna just scream because I get so fustrated with so many things. Having everything put on my shoulders is so hard. I get to that point to where sometimes I just wanna drop everything and stop, but I know I can’t because if I do, then everything will just go downhill. I wish someone could understand exactly what I am going through, but no one does. So THIS is why I write on this gosh darn thingy so at least I don’t keep it in.

Friday Is Here

I'm kinda getting use to writing in this darn thing on an everyday basis. I guess it's good for me cuz I'm able to write what's on my mind and my head doesn't have to be so cluttered with thoughts going all over the place. For some odd reason, I'm feeling really happy. Although there are some things that are bothering me constantly, I've managed to be happy today and hopefully for the days to come. I guess having the positive vibe really helps a lot because if someone feels all bad everyday, then it's just going to go downhill from there. But anyways, it's FRIDAY baby !!! Yippy !! This work week has been long for me, well, it felt long. Well, I'm just happy this the weekend is finally here. Thank goodness !!

Friendships

I think about the time when I lived back in Sacramento. My friends that I once had, but ended only due to certain incidents that happened in the past. I cherished those friendships. And now here I am, wondering how those people were doing. I would have to say, Sophany was the closest girlfriend that I had when I used to live in Sac. I somewhat still keep in contact with her, but not as much as I should. I guess sometimes it's hard when other things are going on in your life. Living my life here in the Bay is totally lovely. I grew close with the friends my husband has who he's known for many years. I gotta brother who I thought would never had. Who opened his home, as well as his family, to me with open arms and I could never thank them enough. At times though, I do wish I had more girlfriends here to go out with. Cuz, hey, a girl needs a life, other than work and school. Hehe. But I'm not complaining about life. I love my life, my family, my husband and daughter. I guess friendships come and go. Cherish them cuz some are worth to cherish.

One of Those Randomness

It's about 8:15am in the morning and I am here at work. I see my bossys car, but I didn't see her when I came in. I totally forgot to get some hot water and a crouissant. Man, I think I mispelled that word. Haha. Oh wells. Okay, I'm going to run to the breakroom really quick, literally. BRB. Okay, got my food, but DAMN .. I burned myself with hot water. Gosh darnit. I totally tried to hurry back to my desk because I didn't want to be away from it that long. Clumsy me, hella spilled and now I have to put a freakin' bandaid on it. Damn it !! What a day and how it started !! Oh wells.

Happy FRIDAY !!!

So, the weekend is finally near. What a week. I'm here at work. Boss man said he might shut down the office early. Hehe. Cool beans. He's such a cool ass guy. Especially the boss lady too. Cool ass people here that I work with.

Reading

I never would have though I'd be totally into reading once again. I'm happy to say that I am on my 5th book. Yeah, you can say I have some time on my hands to read now a days. But if I may add, I do have some trouble reading since I don't have my new glasses yet. Hehe. Anyways, I am currently reading Little Pink Slips by Sally Koslow. Just started reading a couple of minutes ago, but had to put it down cuz the eyes were kinda trippen'. Anyways, go and get a book to read. It's good for you !!

Another Day In The Office

It's Thursday morning and I am here once again at work. Got about half and hour until I leave for my eye appointment. Yes, I need new glasses. My eyes have been really bad lately. Super dry and they itch. On top of that, my vision has been getting blurry even more. It's hard for me to see in general. The glasses that I have now don't really help much. So, that really sucks for me. I guess being on a computer every single day plays a role. Well, I look forward to getting new glasses. And may I add, I will be paying full price, out of my pocket, for new glasses. This time, my insurance won't cover it, just my exam. Gosh darn it!

Ms Ramiele Malubay

So, I'm not so into American Idol this year, unlike the last one. I guess you can say the contestants all don't interest me, but one. She may be small, but she sure does have a big, beautiful, powerful voice.
VOTE FOR HER !!!

The Kite Runner

So, I was at the bookstore with my neice and I had no clue of a book to read. I wanted to start reading books. Since I knew Mel read books, I called and recommended me "The Kite Runner." Fortunately, I ended up purchasing another book (which is actually a good book so far) because the store didn't have any in stock. So, yesterday, one of the executives saw me reading the novel. He returned to the lobby and handed me "The Kite Runner." Now, how funny is that? 2 recommendations for the same book. Hehe. Well, I'm not too far into the book, but far enough to say that I am very much interested in this book.

What A Lovely Day

It's finally Friday !! I'm so excited. I'm here at work waiting for one more hour to pass till I finally get out of here. So today, me and the hubby FINALLY got out new phones. That's right !! New Sidekicks baby and may I say, the Manager at that T-Mobile store gave us a PHAT discount !! Like a big uberly discount baby !! So, we started our day out superly excited. Later tonight, me and my neice Eliza are heading to the movies. Eliza and her Mama were suppose to go, but I guess her Mama doesn't want to go or she's working late. So, I'm looking forward to that. Haven't been to the movies for a while now. Hope it's a good chick flick (penelope). It looks pretty cool. Anywho's, tomorrow, my parents and sisters are coming to visit for the day. Looking forward to that. Haven't seen them for a while now. I heard we're also going to visit Auntie Beth and family. I know the kids will be excited to see Annalyn. Hehe. Well, back to work now ...

Congradulations to REA !!!

Good friend Rea & her Love, Jon !! =)
On her graduation day 02.22.08
Congradulations my dear !!

Say HELLO to my new baby cousin

Makoa Andes Costales-Gaon

Born: February 11, 2008

Isn't he just ADORABLE?

Bitch

Being a Bitch means ...
I stand up for myself and my beliefs
I stand up for those I love
I speak my mind, think my own thoughts,or do things my way
I won't compromise whats in my heart
I live my live MY wayI won't allow anyone to step on me
I refuse to tolerate injusticeIt means I have the courage &strength to allow myself to be me
So try to stomp on me, douse my inner flame,
Squash every ounce of beauty I hold within
You won't succeed
And if that makes me a Bitch, so be it
I embrace the title and I'm proud to be a Bitch.

Prayer of Forgiveness

All-loving and forgiving God,

give us the courage

to see ourselves with humility and honesty.

Open our hearts to receive

your forgiveness

and healing love.

Then, as you forgive us,

help us to show mercy and kindness to others.

Help us stand for what is right

and speak out against prejustice,

so that by our words and our example,

we may give witness to your saving power.

SCORPIO LADY

Reppin' the SCORPiOS _ passionate & mysterious